I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
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