sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
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