Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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