i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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