Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
