I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
