gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
