Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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