We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
