fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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