i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
