I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
