I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Randomize
