and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
