Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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