just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Someone shattered a urinal.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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