Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
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dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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