all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
