I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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