His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
