Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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