so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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