I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Randomize
