you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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