im six kinds of drunk right now
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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