but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
