You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
My day in three words: secret purse cake
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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