Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
