this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
