that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
