i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
