no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
