this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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