I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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