had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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