You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
how do you play pong handcuffed?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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