Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
