So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
