You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
