yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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