the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
