yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
