I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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