so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
