i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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