Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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