Having a random hookup so left but love u
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
