I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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