:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face