Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
They took my balls.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
