I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
