I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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