Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I want to fling myself into the sun
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
