I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
