Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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