I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
