He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
