I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
