Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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