highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
