I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
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