I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
My feet surprised me
Randomize
