I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
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You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
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You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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