fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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